The first email I sent was almost 2 decades ago. I have sent and received countless emails since then. I was accidental with my email checking habits, and I have ruined many relationships since then.
It is laughable that a digital tool like email was created to bring people closer. It helps people communicate with one a3 email checking habits that ruined my relationships. nother when they are thousands of miles apart. It is this tool that ruined my relationships.
How can it be?
What is so horrible about checking emails that caused me to lose relationships.
Let me share with you
Habit #1: Check my emails first thing in the morning.
Even before I owned a smartphone, I would check my emails first thing in the morning when I wake up.
I opened my laptop, opened my yahoo mail, to see if anyone emailed me. When I was a little older, I would check my emails for grades or to see if my classmate finished their part of the project or not. When I started working, I check my emails to see if there is any request I need to handle today.
My mind immediately goes to work mode when I checked emails in the morning, and my mood is impacted by the emails in my inbox.
I was an unstable leader, and I lost relationships due to my accidental living and inconsistencies.
Habit #2: Use my email as my to-do list.
I treated my email like my to-do list, rather than a communication tool.
Very often an email contains a request or a part of a project. Since I couldn’t get back to people right away, I kept the email in my inbox to remind me to work on them. I thought I would be reminded, and it would save me time by keeping my tasks in my inbox instead of re-writing my to do list on an actual to do list.
The problem was, every time I check my email, I have to re-read through all my list.
So I was overwhelmed.
I feel like I have so much to do, and my to-do list email inbox always grows, never reduces. I was so stressed, and I feel so bad for not getting back to people right away.
It usually takes about two weeks to be overwhelmed, then I would shut down my interactions for a day, just to get through my emails.
During that day, those who need me can’t reach me, and for other people who have emailed me, they are finally getting an answer from me after 2 weeks. And often these emails don’t contain new information. It simply inform them I will get back to them when I can.
People doubt my competence to complete task, and they question if I am for them because I am not around so soften.
Habit #3: Checking email right before going home.
Most of my emails are work related, so checking emails when I am about to go home is the equivalent of taking work home.
I wanted a “clear inbox.”
I was inspire by the concept of inbox zero, and I tried to clear my inbox everyday. I didn’t realize that I was creating open loops in my brain, the things I need to keep track of or get to later. So on the drive home, and while I am interacting with my family, I am still thinking about the unanswered email. My family feel that I am physically present, but emotionally absent. They think I didn’t care about them, because all I can talk about is work, and I can’t wait to get back to my work, which is on my email.
Checking emails before going home has damaged my relationship at home because people thought they weren’t important to me.
These 3 habits have ruined my relationships. It caused me to be so work oriented, that I forgot about my family, and my closest relationships. It robbed me of the precious few hours I get with my family. I felt so disconnected that I didn’t want to know any family.
Relationships are important, and these 3 email habits have killed the people I connected with outside of work.
What are your habits, good or bad, regarding your how You use email? How have it been for your relationships.
Here is the good news, I didn’t stay there. I found a way to leverage emails to build closer relationships, rather than killing them. Stay tuned to the rest of the story.
It is crazy to think about how long email has been around. :)
David, I paused for a moment when I read “2 decades” because it made me realize how long email has been around 😂 soooo crazy.
While I never remember checking grade via email I definitely know I’m guilty of number 3! It’s like I have to double check real quick and then I sometimes spend the drive home sorting and planning the next day of tasks... 😮 not sure this is good. Although I’ve been ignore my work email a lot more, I have prioritize my giant stuff at the end of the day.
This was a nice revisit into my habits via email. I just emailed this post to myself to double check my habits tomorrow. 😝